I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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