it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
