I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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