Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
