i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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