he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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