Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
