he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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