If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
