After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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