Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
