It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
