if i can run in heels then i can drive
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
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