we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
