I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
