I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
