God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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