She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
