At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize