Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
