u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
