hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
