sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
