Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
