Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Someone shattered a urinal.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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