Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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