you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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