a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
