Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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