There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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