My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
