my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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