Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I deserve this hangover.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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