someone owes me an orgasm
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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