dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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