Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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