this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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