so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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