i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
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Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
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you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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