eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
