i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
