help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
