Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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