Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
