Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
