Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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