i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
