4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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