I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
