so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
