You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
