come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
