oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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