I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
