saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
