I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
