what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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