The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
