If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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