Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
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he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
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If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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