i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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