Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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