FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
