There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize