If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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