He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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