i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
