I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
being pregnant is like rehab
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's shark week go big or go home
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
