I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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