I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
