Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
